and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
