is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
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