i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
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