if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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