Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
