I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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