So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
