Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
