The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
