The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
