She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
