I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
