I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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