guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
