Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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