Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
