You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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