it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
