last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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