Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
it was like eating out sand paper
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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