it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
