the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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