I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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