i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
