Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
