I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
