I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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