Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
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