tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Who wears a wallet chain?!
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
