why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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