Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
The power of my boobs compel you
I touched a dick in church today
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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