Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
