woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
