I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Is it because I queefed?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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