Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
