It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
