Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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