Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
