Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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