So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
