this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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