Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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