He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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