Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
