Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
