i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
