well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
