They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
