happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
