i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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