Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
