Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
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I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no