It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?