Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
