A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
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He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
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Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?