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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.

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  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

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• (315): View more from New York

  i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor

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• (562): View more from California

  Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night

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• (520): View more from Arizona

  Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals

  (480): View more from Arizona

  Are you high and at a petting zoo again?

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• (408): View more from California

  Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?

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  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.

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• (850): View more from Florida

  This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos

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• (512): View more from Texas

  I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.

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• (573): View more from Missouri

  Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.

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