I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
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I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.