and my herpes radar will keep us safe
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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