I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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