It's just like the Real World with babies
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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