MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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