I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Randomize
