There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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