thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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