I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
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Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
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My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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