the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
