it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
