literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
