in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
