Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
