at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
