mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
