the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
