i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
